10:03 Indiana Memorial Union
I'm back at the Union, the place I spent.... Well I'd say about a 1/4 of my freshman year (that is a 100% honest estimate). It was the only place I could study and it wasn't as popular as the library so I felt like it was MY thing. Boosh also is a fan of the union and I'm back with her tonight just reading some of my books and doing things like this.
I've been having a tough day. I got up, read, did Yoga, Cleaned our House, Got the Oil Changed in my car, took a walk and read on campus (It was BEAUTIFUL TODAY), Had a Board of Aeons meeting, Ate Dinner with my roommates and now I'm at the Union again. All in all pretty successful day, but I've been in a slump.
I had a GREAT weekend again (Wabash trip) but I am 100% aware that I don't have a second job. I want one really bad but I am seriously just enjoying "finding myself" and waiting for that "Perfect job". I started to read a book on ADD and it reached me so much that I could hardly get through the intro because it was like reading someone's evaluation of my life. Have a really bad case of it I've concluded and I don't think my meds are cutting it anymore. I'm exploring and still just like depressed because of it. It's hard b/c I am happy at the same time because I love where I am. I am like repressing my depression and I have a feeling like it is going to just bite me in the ass. I think the best way to describe me is SLOW. Not in a negative way but I just have to decide to do things, and then I do them in my own creative way and do them in a memorable way.
I decided that I needed goals for this year. There are certain flaws about myself that I wanted to change and this year is IT. they are completely random but here goes (this is a rough draft by the way)
-I want to start sending Thank you notes. I never do, it's rude and not a reflection about how I feel, I just always never get to it.
-I want to keep in touch with my family better than last year. Including Poppy and Grammie.
- I want to keep my spirituality a center of who I am (not necessarily religion)
-I want to travel, I won't get to during the next couple
- I want to actually write in this thing.
- I want to find the balance b/w being lazy about exercise and being neurotic like I was fall of senior year
- I want to understand my ADD, my depression and my poor grades
- I want to live my life day, by day.
- I want to feed to my hobbies. I love to cook so I should. I love to craft so I should. (aka use these as outlets instead of Facebook, TV, phone etc)
- I want to create a concrete plan for the rest of my undergrad, and get out of bill/debt
-I want to understand finances
ok well this is a short list, but realistically- although I don't have my high paying job yet I have really started to achieve a lot of these. I feel accomplished and at the end of the day know "theres always tomorrow"
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
4:48 Living Room
Whats that old children's rhyme... "The early bird gets the worm"? Part of my new lifestyle in Bloomington has been being the early bird... Hoping that I'll stumble on to my worm one of these mornings. Today was a complete exception. I have been having trouble sleeping and so everytime I would wake up I went back to sleep and didn't even bother to check my alarm. I finally decided the world was ready for me- but realized it was 1:00. I feel so "off", considering that I usually get up at 8:00 pm without an alarm. I felt really crafty and had an urge to invent so I took a piece of piece of plywood, painted it, nailed some stuff to it and made a mail and key board for the four of us. Then I made in my room that is central to all that I have going on, (i.e a financial update, grocery budget, days till rent is due, things to to today, things to do this week....) I really just want to conquer having to be responsible living on my own. I feel like I'm getting really good at it, but I I have a lot more goals to cover.
In response to my random post about going to an all girls school, It's something that I feel like has been randomly brought to my attention to me in the past week. Melanie is doing a project on it so we had those "opposing viewpoints" books on our coffee table, so naturally I was curious and read them. Visiting Elyse made me see that I think that environment is one I could really succeed in. It's just a thought I don't know what to think but It's something that I have never even considered.
One of my roommates is having just a CRAZY day. First, she found out one of her guy friends that she had drifted apart from got in to a nasty car wreck last night. They drifted apart at the end of high school because he got in a drugs, and that is what caused his accident. He had taken a lot of Zanex err idk how to spell it. THEN her ex boyfriend that sent us 3 boxes of wine a few weeks ago sent her a huge bouquet of flowers. No clue what's going to happen, But all I know is I'm going to make a comfort food dinner tonight. Alright I'm going to go to Yoga with Tara.
Whats that old children's rhyme... "The early bird gets the worm"? Part of my new lifestyle in Bloomington has been being the early bird... Hoping that I'll stumble on to my worm one of these mornings. Today was a complete exception. I have been having trouble sleeping and so everytime I would wake up I went back to sleep and didn't even bother to check my alarm. I finally decided the world was ready for me- but realized it was 1:00. I feel so "off", considering that I usually get up at 8:00 pm without an alarm. I felt really crafty and had an urge to invent so I took a piece of piece of plywood, painted it, nailed some stuff to it and made a mail and key board for the four of us. Then I made in my room that is central to all that I have going on, (i.e a financial update, grocery budget, days till rent is due, things to to today, things to do this week....) I really just want to conquer having to be responsible living on my own. I feel like I'm getting really good at it, but I I have a lot more goals to cover.
In response to my random post about going to an all girls school, It's something that I feel like has been randomly brought to my attention to me in the past week. Melanie is doing a project on it so we had those "opposing viewpoints" books on our coffee table, so naturally I was curious and read them. Visiting Elyse made me see that I think that environment is one I could really succeed in. It's just a thought I don't know what to think but It's something that I have never even considered.
One of my roommates is having just a CRAZY day. First, she found out one of her guy friends that she had drifted apart from got in to a nasty car wreck last night. They drifted apart at the end of high school because he got in a drugs, and that is what caused his accident. He had taken a lot of Zanex err idk how to spell it. THEN her ex boyfriend that sent us 3 boxes of wine a few weeks ago sent her a huge bouquet of flowers. No clue what's going to happen, But all I know is I'm going to make a comfort food dinner tonight. Alright I'm going to go to Yoga with Tara.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
10:16am Back in Bloomington
I basically collapsed when I walked in our front door yesterday. The drive home seemed like the longest ride of my life. A mixture of things added to the general shitty-ness:
1. my favorite broadway cd to sing with was scratched
2. It was rainy.....really rainy
3. I ended up having to stop at the Apple Store in Indy b/c my shift key wiring is messed up, and I have to go BACK to get my new keyboard installed (I'm on Nicci's comp)
5. I got lost while picking up T-shirts for studnet government and ended up having to stop at a retirement home in zionsville, IN to get directions and I walked in on a WW II Veteran luncheon that I got hit on by dirty old men
phheww number one best thing:
1. I ate Taco Bell while I was sober for the first time since I was in middle school
I just needed to get home, but I got to have a reflective ride. I decided that I really don't like Garrett. He's the guy that I work for at IUSA. He just doens't bring out my best work and has me do shit work that really is just covering his ass. I understand that YES I am an assistant but still, sitting in on a meeting that he couldn't go to? PSHHH I'm better than that. I think I'm going to talk to Besty (the president) and tell her that I haven't really been "shining" becauase I am not working well with Garrett. This whole situation reminds me of senior year when I wasn't working well with Luc on Kicking it Live. Luc and Garrett have the exact same personality and I think It's definantly something I can overcome and end up making him perhaps realize how he isen't really a good delegater.
notre dame recap:
SO FUN. Having Allison there was also a treat. We never really stopped, and
I am over the stuff that happened at ND b/w David and I . Bottom line. I dealt with it while I was there. I talked it out with Court, Elo, Emery and Bethany and listened to depressing coldplay on the way home. The trip was so successful except that I didn't get to see Bethany as much (oh and Notre Dame lost....)
Today I went and explored the nature around our house, did yoga, cleaned, and now i'm going cook dinner--- But for now I think because I am still semi-upset.... I will watch ONE more episode of Sex and City.
I basically collapsed when I walked in our front door yesterday. The drive home seemed like the longest ride of my life. A mixture of things added to the general shitty-ness:
1. my favorite broadway cd to sing with was scratched
2. It was rainy.....really rainy
3. I ended up having to stop at the Apple Store in Indy b/c my shift key wiring is messed up, and I have to go BACK to get my new keyboard installed (I'm on Nicci's comp)
5. I got lost while picking up T-shirts for studnet government and ended up having to stop at a retirement home in zionsville, IN to get directions and I walked in on a WW II Veteran luncheon that I got hit on by dirty old men
phheww number one best thing:
1. I ate Taco Bell while I was sober for the first time since I was in middle school
I just needed to get home, but I got to have a reflective ride. I decided that I really don't like Garrett. He's the guy that I work for at IUSA. He just doens't bring out my best work and has me do shit work that really is just covering his ass. I understand that YES I am an assistant but still, sitting in on a meeting that he couldn't go to? PSHHH I'm better than that. I think I'm going to talk to Besty (the president) and tell her that I haven't really been "shining" becauase I am not working well with Garrett. This whole situation reminds me of senior year when I wasn't working well with Luc on Kicking it Live. Luc and Garrett have the exact same personality and I think It's definantly something I can overcome and end up making him perhaps realize how he isen't really a good delegater.
notre dame recap:
SO FUN. Having Allison there was also a treat. We never really stopped, and
I am over the stuff that happened at ND b/w David and I . Bottom line. I dealt with it while I was there. I talked it out with Court, Elo, Emery and Bethany and listened to depressing coldplay on the way home. The trip was so successful except that I didn't get to see Bethany as much (oh and Notre Dame lost....)
Today I went and explored the nature around our house, did yoga, cleaned, and now i'm going cook dinner--- But for now I think because I am still semi-upset.... I will watch ONE more episode of Sex and City.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
1:04 am Notre Dame, IN
A little change of scenery! I love making the trip to Notre Dame because I get to see not one, for THREE of my favorite people. Also, because I could catch so many rides up here last year I made friends with all of Elyse's College friends and now I really look forward to getting to see them again.
I couldn't decide if I was going to come up tonight or tomorrow but last night after I got done with my laundry I decided I could just throw it all in my defile bag and not have to think about packing- that basically sealed the deal. I must say the ride up this time was a lot more pleasant than the last (the last time I got a concussion the previous night...)
We didn't really do that much tonight, Elyse and I went over to ND from SMC and met David at their student center and then went back with and his roommates to his common room. The dorms have a cool set up, each boys room has 2 rooms to 1 common room. I would like it because you have one room to study and sleep, and then you never have to have temptation to do other stuff. Bethany joined us at Nemer's dorm and we all just hungout with the boys in his hallway.
I just got the news that I got a ticket to the game on Saturday for sure with Greg and Catherine (Elyse's brother and his fiance).
This is basically the worst game a buckeye could go to ; Michigan wolverine against the Fighting Irish. I promise I won't enjoy it Mom! I'm pumped though because of the Notre dame game day rituals. Also, I get to go to the pep rally tomorrow because I'm using one of David's friend's ID's. That'll help me get over the fact I'm doing the equivalent of punching Brutus Buckeye in the face.
Well I am going to call it night, I've been up since 7:30 and am getting back spasms from too much yoga...... Isn't that supposed to NOT happen with yoga?
A little change of scenery! I love making the trip to Notre Dame because I get to see not one, for THREE of my favorite people. Also, because I could catch so many rides up here last year I made friends with all of Elyse's College friends and now I really look forward to getting to see them again.
I couldn't decide if I was going to come up tonight or tomorrow but last night after I got done with my laundry I decided I could just throw it all in my defile bag and not have to think about packing- that basically sealed the deal. I must say the ride up this time was a lot more pleasant than the last (the last time I got a concussion the previous night...)
We didn't really do that much tonight, Elyse and I went over to ND from SMC and met David at their student center and then went back with and his roommates to his common room. The dorms have a cool set up, each boys room has 2 rooms to 1 common room. I would like it because you have one room to study and sleep, and then you never have to have temptation to do other stuff. Bethany joined us at Nemer's dorm and we all just hungout with the boys in his hallway.
I just got the news that I got a ticket to the game on Saturday for sure with Greg and Catherine (Elyse's brother and his fiance).
This is basically the worst game a buckeye could go to ; Michigan wolverine against the Fighting Irish. I promise I won't enjoy it Mom! I'm pumped though because of the Notre dame game day rituals. Also, I get to go to the pep rally tomorrow because I'm using one of David's friend's ID's. That'll help me get over the fact I'm doing the equivalent of punching Brutus Buckeye in the face.
Well I am going to call it night, I've been up since 7:30 and am getting back spasms from too much yoga...... Isn't that supposed to NOT happen with yoga?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
3:11 pm
MY FIRST POST! I hope this will be a good tool to help me let everyone from home know how I am doing! This is going to be a crazy year, and I have a feeling this blog will help ME keep sane ( as well as you because obviously you would be distraut if you didn't know what was going on with me).
The weather has been so unpredictable in B-town lately. I think it is the cause of my current sneezing and runny nose. I've decided to fight the war against my immune system and I am just laying on the couch wrapped in a blanket, and I am only eating fruits, and veggies and drinking TONS of water. I have a bad anxiaty feeling because today I was really going to work on getting my second job but I guess it'll have to wait.
I think I've waited so long because I honestly don't know what I want to do. I know I know - I need to just jump in to it with my full force, but I am spending my days not cleaning either doing work at the IUSA office, Reading or working out. I guess I have only been here for 2 1/2 weeks, so I should feel like a loser YET. Every time I go to get applications I just start getting repressed memories about my last 2 jobs (Cheryl's and the Art Bookshop). I really didn't like those jobs.....
Working at the Lesbians house has been solid. I have "advanced fast", now they just let me make my own hours and I go over when I want during the week because I have the garage code. It makes me think of a Mr. Roger's quote:
"It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life that ultimately nourish our souls. It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to hear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is firm. "
Working for this crazy family has been a blessing, and a lesson that you can never predict what opportunity will be on the other end of a three-line advertisement in the Indiana Daily Student.
The greatest decision I've made since I arrived is to open up a library card at the Monroe County Public Library. It's right on Kirkwood (our main drag) and is so welcoming. I have been reading like a madwoman, and have been really puntual about returning things on time ( I think I was on the UAPL wanted list many times....) I have on average about 5 books going, that feed to my wide array of interests. My Current List is:
-The Rich Life for the Frugal Woman (tips on cheap grocery shopping, and just other money saving tips)
-The World according to Mister Rogers (Amazing, amazing book. READ IT)
- French Women Don't Get Fat ( I've already read it, love the insight, basically you need to treat food like a delicacy and meal time as extremely important)
- Mary Kay (Mary Kay Ash's Biography, I'm getting in to the Mary Kay business and I figure reading about her might help me jump start- anyways if she made velocity facewash/lightweight moisturizer... She has to be worth reading about)
-The Diary of V; the affair (this is the trashy book that the woman that I'm cleaning for wrote.... I dare you to google it)
I decided to just stop my entries when I stop writing. This way I can just make random comments when needed and not feel like I have to really greet you, or say goodbye. I'm going to fold my laundry and make whole wheat pancakes.
MY FIRST POST! I hope this will be a good tool to help me let everyone from home know how I am doing! This is going to be a crazy year, and I have a feeling this blog will help ME keep sane ( as well as you because obviously you would be distraut if you didn't know what was going on with me).
The weather has been so unpredictable in B-town lately. I think it is the cause of my current sneezing and runny nose. I've decided to fight the war against my immune system and I am just laying on the couch wrapped in a blanket, and I am only eating fruits, and veggies and drinking TONS of water. I have a bad anxiaty feeling because today I was really going to work on getting my second job but I guess it'll have to wait.
I think I've waited so long because I honestly don't know what I want to do. I know I know - I need to just jump in to it with my full force, but I am spending my days not cleaning either doing work at the IUSA office, Reading or working out. I guess I have only been here for 2 1/2 weeks, so I should feel like a loser YET. Every time I go to get applications I just start getting repressed memories about my last 2 jobs (Cheryl's and the Art Bookshop). I really didn't like those jobs.....
Working at the Lesbians house has been solid. I have "advanced fast", now they just let me make my own hours and I go over when I want during the week because I have the garage code. It makes me think of a Mr. Roger's quote:
"It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life that ultimately nourish our souls. It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to hear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is firm. "
Working for this crazy family has been a blessing, and a lesson that you can never predict what opportunity will be on the other end of a three-line advertisement in the Indiana Daily Student.
The greatest decision I've made since I arrived is to open up a library card at the Monroe County Public Library. It's right on Kirkwood (our main drag) and is so welcoming. I have been reading like a madwoman, and have been really puntual about returning things on time ( I think I was on the UAPL wanted list many times....) I have on average about 5 books going, that feed to my wide array of interests. My Current List is:
-The Rich Life for the Frugal Woman (tips on cheap grocery shopping, and just other money saving tips)
-The World according to Mister Rogers (Amazing, amazing book. READ IT)
- French Women Don't Get Fat ( I've already read it, love the insight, basically you need to treat food like a delicacy and meal time as extremely important)
- Mary Kay (Mary Kay Ash's Biography, I'm getting in to the Mary Kay business and I figure reading about her might help me jump start- anyways if she made velocity facewash/lightweight moisturizer... She has to be worth reading about)
-The Diary of V; the affair (this is the trashy book that the woman that I'm cleaning for wrote.... I dare you to google it)
I decided to just stop my entries when I stop writing. This way I can just make random comments when needed and not feel like I have to really greet you, or say goodbye. I'm going to fold my laundry and make whole wheat pancakes.
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