Sarah Kuhman
Eng 111 M/W 3:00-5:15
B.Test
January 23, 2008
A.G.T.

I reached in to the side pocket of my backpack and pulled out my silver ipod mini, chilled already from the Indiana morning breeze. My fingers commanded the round touch screen.
Hmm Morning play-list one two or three….two sounds nice.
A nice song played and I bobbled along my favorite street (still to this day), Fee Avenue. Fee Avenue was the street’s name, but it should have been considered an asphalt park. Fee had much more foot traffic than cars. Students at Indiana University walk from the dorms to classes daily on Fee. Often the visual looks like a busy city sidewalk- but alas; we were in slow, solemn Bloomington, Indiana.
Song number two starts and a familiar Jack Johnson song comes on.
Who’s to say?
What’s impossible well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There’s no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find they things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to Mother Nature’s song
I don’t’ want this feeling to go away

Who’s to say?
I can’t do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren’t always just what they seem
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to Mother Nature’s song
This world keeps spinning there’s no time to waste
Will it all keep spinning and spinning round and round an
Upside down
Who’s to say whets impossible and can’t be found
I don’t want this feeling to go away

The lyrics had been played many times before but finally the emotions on the brink of my self were set loose. The mere combination of my private earphones and the sunrise created a canvas for me to paint my interpretations of the consoling lyrics.
I have that love he’s talking about!
And just like that my mind began to spread its wings as Jack advised. But I wasn’t planning on having a Kumbaya moment—
Quickly my atention was directed at the mini drama happening a few sidewalk boxes ahead of me. An obnoxious girl flipping the bird at the bus she was stepping off of.
“Stupid Hick, There is enough fucking room. I don’t need this shit from a bus driver,”
I heard her say in a piercing tone, only comparable to Fran Dresher’s character in ‘The Nanny’. The timeworn bus driver looked as if she was going to cry- I would too if I had that said to me while I was trying to drive a bus of brimming with college students.
“I’m really not aloud, there should be another here in 5 minutes,”
sputtered the feeble woman in an equally feeble voice. I could almost hear her gulping her pride. A fire lit in me to contend with this rude girl ---until I came close enough to distinguish she was a friend of my best friend Amanda. Atrocious.
I never could fake my enjoyment to hang out with this girl. In fact, the last time we shared an experience I ordered a cab while waiting to get in to her favorite “slammin’ club”. Amanda had a fit telling me I was being rude.
As I remember this, I smirk.
If only there was a way to pat your intuition the back.
I desperately wanted to stay and ream out the girl, but was denied by my internal clock. I had to keep on walking to make sure I was at class on time. Nevertheless, I kept on thinking about how wonderful it was going to be telling Amanda about her friend’s ‘gracious gesture’, followed by an ‘I told you so’.
Mmmm that makes me sound too self-righteous…. My ipod beats filled my void and I heard the lyrics
“As the surface breaks Reflections fade”
A lot of qualities in people were surfacing as second semester droned on. And as I walked on with hundreds of fellow students passing my side on the doublewide sidewalk, my introspective self was ticking.
I was on to something.
I clicked my ipod back to the start of Jack’s ballad. A peace that I can describe as finding a religion set over my body. It was like I had a guardian Angel finally landing on my shoulder to ask,
“Why were you fighting me?”
I checked my surroundings. Yep, no bubble of joy was encompassing me, but I felt like I was taking up exotic dancing and stripping off my snobby, self absorbed, dangerous clothing. They never fit anyway. So many nights of discomfort, wondering why I couldn’t just act fake. I took it as a character flaw and for the first time in my life was called things like ‘Ice Queen’. Always was feeling unsure, and couldn’t stand sitting around with people I didn’t like.
Seeing my flaw in this new light – could that have been confidence? Yes!
In fact, I was the only one to leave parties on my own, no matter if anyone was going to leave with me. My circle of friends may have not included those forced friendships I gave up for my sanity- but included people that genuinely gained my respect. My most intimate friends included my teaching assistants and foreign exchange students in my dorm. I guess I can forgive myself for being insecure; I was just being an individual – how relieving.
I had been so engrossed in walking I was surprised to have arrived to my lecture a few minutes early. Normally I would have sat in the back with the crew of Fiji’s (a Fraternity I usually sought approval from). I pivoted the other way. I know others see the ‘front row kids’ as suck-up’s but my guardian angel whispered a phrase my friends in high school and I often used,
“AGT, Ain’t Got Time”.